Free From the Awful Mistress
by Dark'Skinned'Angel
Summary: It's up to a twilight fan to save our two favorite men...


**Free From the Awful Mistress**

**ONE SHOT**

A girl named Allison, another twilight fan, was on her way home from school. She had many things on her mind; her social studies test coming up, her French project that's due in 2 days, and the home-made vas she has to finish painting for her art teacher.

When she made it home, she noticed a tape on the top of the T.V. No one was home, so she figured it was for her. When she picked it up, it had a sticker that read,

"URGENT: Must Watch" So, Allison simply put her school stuff away, popped it in the VCR, and sat down to watch. It was all static for a moment, until a familiar face appeared on the screen. She saw none other than Edward Cullen, but it only showed from his the top of his head to a quarter of his chest. But there was something strange about the background; it was a hellish atmosphere completed with dark brown dirty walls. Seemed like metal walls, the way they looked rusted with age. Also, there was something different about what he was wearing; he was shirtless with a chain wrapped around his neck and kiss marks all over his face.

"Um…" He said on the tape. "Hi. Uh...we're in a little fix here."

"_We're?" _Allison thought. Suddenly, Jacob came in the picture in the same condition as Edward.

"A _little?" _Jacob interrupted. "This skinny broad has us in chains!" He grabbed a chain from his arm. Allison sat up to pay more attention.

"Anyway," Edward said as he veined at Jacob. "we saw someone out one of the windows-."

**Jacob: **"The _only _window!"

**Edward: **"We saw someone that looked like they knew someone like you. So we asked a few questions. And she told us that you could handle a situation like this."

**Jacob: **"And in case you haven't got it by now, Bella _Swine_ kidnapped us!"

**Edward: **"More like, tricked us."

**Jacob: **"She sent us both a text telling us that she needed help. But it turns out, she wanted a booty call!"

**Edward: **"More like a cocky call. She's forcing us to do…_things _to her."

**Jacob: (**_Embracing himself, whimpering) _"I feel so dirty!"

**Edward: **"Allison…please…we are in _desperate _need of your help. We can't-."

**Jacob: **_(Crying his eyes out) _"I wanna go home! _Please!"_

**Edward: **(_Rolls his eyes) _We can't kill her ourselves because of what it would do to the treaty."

**Jacob: **_(Still crying) _"I hate her so much! She's such a hormonal bxxx!"

**Edward: **"Please, Allison…hurry before she-."

**Bella: **_(From the back room, in a seductive tone) _"Oh Edward, Jacob, time to play _Doctor." _Jacob begins to cry even harder.

"_Not again_!" Jacob continues to sob. "Oh God!"Edward leaves the room with a calm face. Jacob on the other hand, quivers and shakes with his eyes squinted and filled with tears as he leaves.

Allison jumped off the couch and ran upstairs to her room. She went in her small closet and took out a ten-foot long bazooka.

"I'm coming, boys!" She shouted.

Back at Bella's lair, she was lavished by Jacob and Edward. One was kissing her neck while the other messaged her feet. I'll give you a hint, the one who's messaging her feet is still crying. Jacob whimpered and pouted trying not to let Bella see his sorrow. Because she said if he did anything non-manly, she was going to bring out the steal newspaper.

"Kiss them." Bella demanded.

"Y…y-yes madam." He said before he sniffled.

"Excuse me?"

"Y-y-y-es Mistress Swan." Bella smiled with satisfaction.

"Mistress Swan," Edward said quickly. "Can I stop now? You're getting a hicky."

"What color is it?" He had a nervous look on his face.

"Red-ish." He said in a low tone.

"I told you; don't stop until it's black!" Bella demanded. Edward rolled his eyes and continued to kiss her neck.

"Now Jacob," She opened her legs. "Eat me." Jacob had a disgusted look on his face without meaning to.

"But you have a yeast infection!" He exclaimed.

"And whose fault is that?" Jacob then said under his breath.

"Your dad." Bella gave him a quick glare.

"Pretend you didn't say that." She demanded.

"Y-y-y-yes mam."

"What?"

"_Mistress Swan!" _Suddenly, someone burst threw the steal walls.

"Stop right there!" Allison said.

"What?" Bella shouted.

_"Oh God!" _Jacob cried now with tears of joy.

"You finally came!" He began to crawl on his knees trying to hug her legs.

"Get back here!" Bella shouted as he pulled the chain that was around his neck. His head and body jerked, causing him to fall back. He continued to sob.

"Down, boy."

"I'm not a real dog, you stupid whore!" Jacob shouted.

"That's it! I'm getting the steal newspaper and _pow!" _

"Pow _this _bxxxx!" Allison aimed the bazooka at her and shot it. Edward and Jacob gladly moved before it got to close. They watched as Bella blown to pieces along with her thrown. Jacob began to cry more with joy.

"Oh thank you _God!" _He shouted as he ran towards Allison with open arms. Edward made it to her first as he began to kiss her all over saying "Thank you" over and over. Jacob hugged her legs.

"I love you!" He cried. "Thank you so much!" He then got up and ran outside.

"We're free!" He shouted to the sky. Edward followed.

"Oh God, we're _free!" _Then people on the street, mainly women, stopped and stared at them.

"Uh," Allison said as she appeared behind them. "You both do realize your still like half-naked right?"

"Oh…" Edward said awkwardly.

"Sxxx…" Jacob said with wide eyes. Many women and a few men began to chase after them down the street. Allison sighed, put her hands on her hips, and then shouted,

"Wait for me!!"


End file.
